It’s been almost three years. The first year full of fight and fear. The second full of awakening and appreciation. The third giving me the drive to share my story and shout it from the mountain tops. I’ve done a lot of growing in those three years. I finally feel like a woman. Ready to take on the journey of myself and what I’m all about. I’m not sure I would have had that if it wasn’t for my miscarriage and my subsequent fight with postpartum anxiety and depression.
In today’s world, we are supposed to move on. We are supposed to be thankful for the blessings we already have. Of course I am thankful. How could I not be thankful for the amazing little being I get to spend every day with? Thankful for the man that has stuck with me through my struggle and the most difficult time of our marriage. I’m thankful for family, who even though they may not have understood, were there for me. Friends who told me to be pissed, to cry, to be ok with not understanding - and then - to use it.
Use it? Yes, use it. Postpartum depression and anxiety can bring out a side of you that you don’t want to face, a part of you that you never even knew was there. It’s scary and liberating at the same time. It took me a long time to get to this part of healing. To be able to say, “I’m bigger than you!”
I’m bigger than you but I know you are there and I know how to deal with you. Anxiety is a strange thing. Once it’s there, it’s always there, just under the surface. A few years in, I feel its presence and sometimes I welcome it. Because it taught me I’m a fighter. I always knew I was but how does one “really” know until faced with adversity?
I don’t like to boast. I don’t like pity. But you better believe I’m going to use my struggle. Use it to show other women that they are strong. To show families that you can make it through. To know they aren’t alone. That it’s an obstacle and not an ending.
For me, coping with my miscarriage and PPA/PPD has come through sharing my story hoping it may help others or assist in eliminating the stigma that is attached to postpartum conditions. It’s come from throwing my struggle and passion into learning more about maternal mental illnesses and more about how I can help other women through my work as a postpartum doula.
A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to lead a team of Warrior Moms in Louisville, KY during the first Climb Out of the Darkness event benefiting Postpartum Progress, Inc. I’m doing the same here in our new home this year.
If you feel inspired to participate in Climb Out of the Darkness on June 20th, there are two ways to do so:
1. Join our team in Colorado Springs! We’d love to see you there! Bring your families, friends and supporters and join us Warrior Moms in our “symbolic rise out of the darkness of maternal mental illness and into the light of hope and recovery.” Pretty awesome, huh?
2. Donate to the cause if you are not in the area or can’t make it to the event. Any support is appreciated and proceeds benefit Postpartum Progress, Inc.
You can also visit our event page on Facebook for location information and frequent updates on our progress!
This post is intended to raise awareness surrounding postpartum anxiety and depression and to support my team’s efforts for Climb out of the Darkness 2015 which benefits Postpartum Progress, Inc.
Postpartum Progress’ Climb Out of the Darkness™ is the world’s largest event raising awareness of maternal mental illnesses like postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety & OCD, postpartum PTSD, postpartum psychosis, postpartum bipolar disorder, and pregnancy depression and anxiety. Climb Out is held on or near the longest day of the year annually to help shine the most light on perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. The event features mothers and others across the globe joining together to climb mountains and hike trails to represent their symbolic rise out of the darkness of maternal mental illness and into the light of hope and recovery. Funds raised support the 501c3 organization Postpartum Progress (http://postpartumprogress.org)